hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
