I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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