After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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