She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
