I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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