she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
