Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
