my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sext me about skeletons
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
