oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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