she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
