your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
