ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
