It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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