i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
