I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
