take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
