Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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