what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
