you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
