My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
