I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
4 words: hood of his car
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Im part way to drunk.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
