do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
