Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
