Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
