Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
