I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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