i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
