You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
