There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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