I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
