good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
