She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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