No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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