Yo dont text me then not text me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
