I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
