I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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