You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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