I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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