even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
