do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
