***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this just has baby written all over it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
