She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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