I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
