I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
