quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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