someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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