I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
