Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
