Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
