yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
