peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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