I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
