He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
