Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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