so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
