Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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