Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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