i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
