Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
