True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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