I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
