that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
