party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
