Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We need to rekindle our bromance
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
