of course. lets lasso hookers.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
