Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
