32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
