At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
