I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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