I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
