Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
