We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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